Today was my first Mother’s Day without my mom.   June 6 will be the first anniversary of her death, so I am slogging through the first 365 without her and I am almost to the end of the “year of firsts” without her.   So today, on Mother’s Day, I think about the funny card and the plant or blanket or antique rolling pin or pie server I didn’t buy.  I think about where she would have chosen to eat for our Mother’s Day meal.   And I am sad when I think about it.    But I am also extremely happy this weekend.   So this is really the best worst Mother’s Day ever.

Yesterday, I watched my oldest child walk across the stage at the Colonial Life Center at the University of South Carolina and accept his college diploma.  Forever to Thee!  A lot of families will be celebrating college graduations this spring, and I am happy for everyone who gets to share that feeling with their loved ones.   And let me tell you – every college graduate has a story about how he got there, what he did to earn his education, and what he plans to do next.   The stories are all unique and powerful and deserve to be celebrated because the accomplishment is a big deal.

My guy does not love the spotlight.  He didn’t even want to do the whole ceremony thing, but he did it for his mama.  And he for sure does not like talking about his story, but I am going to share it because it IS powerful and there is someone out there who needs to hear it and be encouraged by it.   My guy is amazing and on Saturday at USC, quite a few years of poor choices, uncertainty, regrouping, hard work and dedication came together and my guy climbed and conquered a mountain.  And I could not be more proud.

When a smaller than average young man who is extremely ADHD battles to find his “place” in high school, the odds are not in his favor.   (And by the way – anyone who thinks ADHD is a cop out or an excuse has never lived the life and needs to educate himself.  It can be crippling for a student.)    When a smaller than average kid loves all sports but his growth spurt is years behind his friends, and he has not conquered the art of studying or developed great work habits, the odds are not in his favor.  When he heads off to college and doesn’t know how to prioritize his time, the odds are not in his favor.   When he is too stubborn to ask for help and would rather fail than work a little harder the odds are not in his favor.   When those choices earn what we called an “invitation to take some time off from school” then the odds are really not in his favor.   But that is when my guy got it together.    So parents and students, please listen up.

Four years ago, after two years of struggling to make it, my guy got sent home from USC.  He was devastated.   He was largely responsible for what happened to him, and he could see it coming, but he was still devastated.   When he came home, I asked him what he wanted to do with himself.   I will never forget what he said.   He said “I want to go back and win this.   I do not want this to define me.  I want to go back and graduate.”    So during his time off, he worked in an after school program,  helped coach his high school soccer team, learned how to study and earned a two year degree from FDTC – with super high grades.  And when his probation period at USC was up,  he reapplied and earned another chance.   And in his first semester back, he made a 3.9 and in that one semester alone vaulted himself completely off of probation, and he has never looked back.

My guy went off to school with the odds against him.   There is a lot I wish I could have done differently to prepare him, but we do the best we can at the time.   I have learned as much about parenting as he has about growing up.  He went to school without all the tools he needed and he got knocked down.   But yesterday we celebrated BIG because we learned that it is not what knocks you down that matters.  Its what you do next that defines you.

My guy could have made a different choice four years ago.   He could have quit.  He could have let himself fall victim to a temporary failure.   But he didn’t.   He made a choice to get it right and to work hard to make it happen.    His path along the way has taught him so much.   He has a career path that he is excited about, and he is planning to attend graduate school in the fall.   Yep – my boy who was “invited to take some time off” will be a Masters Prepared teacher before we know it.

Parents and students, please know this.   There is always a path to the top.   Everyone’s path is different, and some people go faster than others.   I don’t always get parenting right, but I did understand that in some cases timing is as important as intelligence, and I let my guy have the time.   There were other adults in his life who believed in him as well – you know who you are – and all of us allowed a young man to have the time and space without judgement or pressure to pull himself up.   As his mother, I gave him a safe place to land when he fell.   It was the best thing I could do for him.   Becoming who we are meant to be is not a race; it is a process.  The important thing is to believe in yourself and your kids – and keep working hard.      

I could not be more proud of the young man who walked across the stage to get his college diploma yesterday because while the stroll across the Colonial Life Center looked easy,  I know about the mountain he had to climb to get there.   And I am so proud to see him at the top.   

So today, as I think sadly about my mama, I am also filled with pride because I know that my child conquered his mountain and he is a better man for it.   And I will be ok.   And that is why, for me, its the best worst Mother’s Day ever.